Doctor Doctor did you miss something?

My mom passed aways last September. She had a double lung transplant in February 2007 and had not been real well since. Prior to her hospitalization for the transplant she had been in the hospital for six months. My daughter had a baby on the way and my mother wanted to live to see the baby. That was her goal. She did just that. She lived to see theBri'onna Lyn born May 1, 2007. She even got to see her 1st birthday. Her second was never to be seen. Bri'onna is going to miss a lot, her grandma was a strong wonderful person and she loved Bri'onna more than life itself.



During the six months my mother spent her time on a ventilator. Yes, she had a living will and should never have been put on the ventilator to begin with. My mother never remembered anything about that day she went to the emergency room. The emergency room doctor asked my mother is she wished to be put on a ventilator and she said yes because he told her it would only be temporary until they could stabilize her. My mother had no recollection of this at all. After she said yes they told me I could come in the emergency room, after leaving me out there all alone for over an hour. No one even kept me updated on her condition during that hour. When finally I got to see her they let me in just long enough to ask her: Is that what you really want and tell her I love her. That was the only thing I said and they pushed me out of the room.



After my mother was put in the intensive care unit I was finally allowed to see her after another couple of hours of waiting. I was there everyday for five days. Without asking me they inserted a feeding tube. Yes, again my mother had a living will and would not have wanted that. On day five she was to be airlifted to the hospital where her transplant doctor practiced. (I guess I should be calling him God, as he believed himself to be the one and only doctor his patients would ever need again) I was suppose to be called prior to the helicopter crew taking her away, but sadly I was not called until she was in the air.



Mom arrived at the transplant hospital, she was in critical condition. Her transplant doctor would not give up on her. I thought is was because he cared, I later found out my mother was nothing more than a study subject for an article he wrote for the American Medical Journal. After 30 days on the ventilator my mother was no longer a candidate for transplant I did not know this until I did some studying on the internet about this and that was not until I read about his study.



My mother was a strong woman with a strong will to live, she never gave up fighting. After her transplant her her long struggle at recovery my mother was angry with me. She said her living will specifically stated no ventilator and no tube feeding. I did tell the doctors that in the emergency room but they said they asked her and she said yes. She was not coherent she didn't understand what she was being asked.



Why do I tell you this? Because the doctors missed the most important part of her care, me, her daughter. Why do I say I was part of the care process? The stress on the family of those who are sick, especially critically ill deserves attention too. There were several things that occurred during her care that the hospital and doctor's failed to call me and tell me about including a change in mental status during her last hospitalization that started her slow steady decline.



Doctors seem to lack training in recognizing when family members are starting to become patients. I don't mean that they should treat the family member in the way that their primary care physician should but they should be able to recognize developing problems with the immediate family. Problems that the family members may not recognize themselves. I was my mother's only visitor, she was two hours away from me, I worked a full time job and attended college full time and still made it my business to go up to see her at least once a week if not more.



I realize now the stress that put on my health. My mother's doctor should have recognized the signs of the enormous stress being placed on me. I kept thinking I was okay and handling everything well. I have no brothers or sisters to lean on it was me and only me. I needed help and my mothers doctor knowing I was the only one should have been able to recognize the signs of someone needing help. The doctor was aware of bipolar condition, I know now that my mental condition was deteriorating slowly with my mother's condition. If her doctor took the time to notice me, he could have referred me to a support group, but her doctor was too busy playing God. No that's not true because God would have noticed me.